The Life that is Waiting for You...

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

  ~Joseph Campbell

There has been a lot that I've wanted to share here but it wasn't until now that I felt ready to write it all down. The last few months have been difficult and scary and at times I didn't know how or if things were going to turn out for the best. Overall, I believe that I am right were I am supposed to be.

I decided to take time off from my MAT Program. A lot happened that went into my decision but the short version of this story is I was incredibly unhappy and I didn't feel like I was doing what I was meant to do with my life. I felt like I was giving up on my overall dream of being an artist. My health began to deteriorate and I went into flare up and started bleeding again. My professors tried everything they could to change my mind but in my heart I knew that it was time to set it aside and move forward. I'm only a few credits away from earning a Maters of Arts in Education so maybe one day I will revisit the courses and earn the official degree.

I don't think I ever really wanted to get an MAT... what I truly wanted was to get an MFA and teach art at the college level. When I made the decision to go into the MAT program I thought I was doing the right thing by playing it safe because I would have a masters degree in a year and would be marketable at the junior high and high school levels. But life isn't about playing it safe. Life is about doing what you love no matter what. I love being part of a community of artists. I love creating. I love being an artist.

I think I was incredibly scared to take the leap and dedicate my life souly to art. If I failed, then what would I have? My life's work would be for nothing. That is a horrible way to go about living, I know. And now I am trying to work past those feelings and make what I want to happen, happen.

I am now officially waiting to hear if I have been accepted into the MFA program at PNCA. I'm a little worried about the overall expense (I have more school debt than I want already) and wether or not I'll be accepted, but I know it is what I need to do in order to achieve my overall aspirations.

I have been making more art since I left the MAT program than I have in the last 2 years. Maybe seeing what I didn't want for my life is what gave me the push to go after what I want for my life. I am working on two new websites right now, one for my Photography work and one for my Illustration work. They should be up and running sometime next month so I'll be sure to post about it again and share the links when they are ready. 

If anyone is interested you can view my artwork at my new blogs:

Jade Illustrates

See What Jade Creates

Monsieur Mustache

Cory was also kind enough to start a Facebook Fan Page for my photography. You can see it here.

I guess the point of today's post is that you can't plan everything out and you can't force yourself to stick to a plan that isn't working. I never planned on getting UC but it happened and my life's plan had to change because of it. I fought it for a long time and thought,"I'm not going to let UC change my life!" But whose to say change is bad? I am definitely not where I thought I would be at the age of 24. Sometimes I think I have failed miserably and I am never going to be healthy... never going to be a world traveler... never going to be a successful illustrator... never going to be rid of my school debt, etc, etc. But then I tell myself to stop planning every aspect of my life and just go ahead and live life and strive everyday for a life I can love. The life you are living can be so much better than the life you planned on...

Preparing for Valentine's Day...

Sorry that I have been so absent lately.  I have been working on preparing my portfolio for submission to the MFA program at PNCA. The application and portfolio is due on February 1st, so it's getting down to the wire!! I hope to be back to posting regularly after the deadline. February 3rd is my birthday so I'm looking forward to celebrating it and the fact that I completed my application!


I was able to take a quick break from drawing and writing to celebrate Tiny Treasures 1 year anniversary. I'm hosting a little giveaway and today is the last day to enter so head on over and enter for your chance to win!


I was also able to take a break last week long enough to be a part of an impromptu Valentine’s Day photoshoot for Colette Patterns! Sarai contacted me and asked if I would be willing to model their nutmeg pattern. Of course I was a tad nervous but I also knew that there was no way I was turning down the opportunity to model her lovely patterns again. 


All of us met in Sarai's studio which Sarai and Caitlin transformed into an enchanting flower filled boudoir. There was even sunshine coming through the windows which, if you are an Oregonian, you know it's rare. The very talented Anja of Clever Nettle was the photographer and videographer.  the whole thing was styled by Sarai and Caitlin. I also got to meet Rachel. We modeled in underwear together so I think you can safely say that we became fast friends.


I feel so lucky that I am able to work with such amazing and talented artists.


Here are a few of my favorites from the shoot!

The talented Anja also shot some lovely video footage and turned it into this:

I Heart Faces {Self Portrait}

 Flowers... are a proud assertion that a ray of beauty out values all the utilities of the world.  

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1844

This week at "I Heart Faces" the theme just so happens to be self-portraits. Now, if you are familiar with my photography, you know I've taken a self portrait or two. This image was taken this past spring at the Woodburn Tulip Festival. I had just gotten a remote for my camera and couldn't resist taking a few photos in the gorgeous fields...

 

**Update: I was fortunate enough to come in first place! Thank you everyone for your lovely compliments and for your support. It means the world to me... truly. Thank you so much to "I Heart Faces," and the unbelievably talented and kind judge, Jessica Page for selecting my photograph. She had this to say about it:


"I was instantly drawn to this image because of the brilliant colors, the creative composition and the beautiful styling. I love her choice of processing and think it suites the image perfectly. Overall, I thought the image was classy and completely lovely. Well done."

Beautiful... Gentle... Softened...

"Let there be nothing within thee that is not very beautiful and very gentle, and there will be nothing without thee that is not beautiful and softened by the spell of thy presence."

~James Allen

These images were taken a few weeks ago when the weather was just beginning to turn chilly. The sun was hot but the air was cool and crisp. I adore the fall. Something about it really makes me feel connected and alive.

I hope everyone had a lovely Halloween and Thanksgiving. My aunt made a special vegan thanksgiving feast just for Cory and I. It was our first Thanksgiving as vegans so it was extremely heartwarming that my aunt went to so much trouble to allow us to feel included in the celebration.

School and work has been keeping me EXTREMELY busy... but I guess that's what a masters program is all about. For those of you who don't know, I'm in the MAT program at Pacific University. I spend Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays attending classes and I spend Tuesdays at Brown Middle School and Thursdays at Century High School racking up observation hours before I begin officially student teaching come February. I have also taken on the task of teaching an after school drawing class (which started 2 weeks ago) at Brown that I have had to personally develop the curriculum for. I've had my days where I've come home crying feeling like I don't have it in me to be a meaningful teacher: the students will never listen to me, I'm uninspiring, I don't know what I'm teaching, the politics of education will eat away at me...

There is all this doubt, worry and fear inside of me. I see so many great teachers who are able to connect to students with such grace. Becoming a teacher has been one of the toughest (if not THE toughest) things I have ever done. I hope I can do it... and I hope I can feel happy doing it. I'm working really hard at believing in myself and allowing myself to make mistakes and learn from those mistakes instead of berating myself for not being perfect. If I am not meant to be a teacher at least I have taken the time to figure it out. I would always regret not trying.

Even with all the stress I have been experiencing, my UC has not been flaring up too badly. I think I have finally found a good balance when it comes to my medications and diet. I did find out however that being on prednisone for as long as I had, did some damage on my bones. A nutritionist I went to see recommended that I go get a bone density scan not only because of my diet choice (Vegan) but also because of having to be on prednisone for over a year. My bone density scan reveled that I had trace signs of osteoporosis. I have been taking supplements and my joints have been feeling much better. I've also been able to stand for longer periods of time without feeling like death, so that is a definite plus!

I am looking forward to the holidays because it means hunting for the perfect gifts for the ones I love and friends who I rarely see will be back in town visiting. It also means some time off from school so I can figure some things out. I absolutely can't wait!!

I Heart Faces {Silhouette}

This week at I Heart Faces, the focus is on creating beautiful silhouettes. I immediately knew the image I wanted to share with everyone. Cory and I went to the Portland Zoo over the summer and we both were hypnotized by the tranquility of the underwater exhibits...

In the Orchard

This week at I Heart Faces, it's about the beauty of orchards and the people who roam them.

Dreamy and Magical Season

"Then followed that beautiful season... summer.... filled was the air with a dreamy and magical light; and the landscape lay as if new created in all the freshness of childhood."

~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Today, August 10th, marks Cory and I's 3rd anniversary. It means three years ago, he texted me during my break at work (I was working at Border's at the time) and asked if I would be his girlfriend. What a scaredy cat, huh!? Hahahahaha! But, I was smitten and I replied back,"Lets give it a shot." Okay... that story may not go down in history as the most romantic moment, but we must have done something right. Having a relationship isn't an easy thing and it takes constant work and constant adjusting... but all of it is worth it. He has loved me when I have felt like I wasn't worth loving. He has made me laugh when I didn't think I would ever be able to laugh again. He has given me the courage and support to go after my dreams.

I can't wait to see where life takes us.

We won't be able to celebrate today (I have school all day and he has work all day) so we celebrated Sunday by going to Voodoo Doughnuts (who have the best and most diverse selection in the area as far as Vegan doughnuts go AND they just got an awesome photo booth), Sweetpea Bakery (for their addicting bagels), and spent the remainder of the day at the zoo hiding from dinosaurs and chillin' with the giraffes.

I do have a gift for him that I have been secretly working to develop with our dear friend, Terry. He is an incredible artist and Cory is absolutely in love with his work so I contacted Terry a few months ago with the idea of creating some kind of scene or collage that included Cory and I with our cat Claude and images of the things that make up our relationship: We love seeing musicals together and Avenue Q is the first one we went to see as a couple. A poster of Elliott Smith because many Elliott Smith songs make Cory think of me. The wine glass represents our first anniversary when we went to The Bite of Oregon. Seattle is where we spent our first vacation together and he gave me a ring at the top of the Space Needle. The camera represents the fact that we are constantly taking photos. We love cooking and baking together and the cupcake has three candles in it which represents our three years together. The Beatles' music was some of the first music we listened to together. The prince and princess represent the movie "Enchanted" which I took Cory to go see on his 21st birthday and we danced together in the aisle to the songs in the movie credits. And last but not least, a guitar because music is what first brought us together.

I decided to give it to him late last night because I didn't want to have to wait all day till tomorrow night. Well, Terry, we did it!! We brought tears to Cory's eyes, haha! We are so thrilled and we will strive everyday to make sure you feel as loved as you have made us feel, dear friend. Thank you.

In other news, I hope all of you are enjoying your summer and haven't forgotten about me. I can't believe how quickly it is going by. Seriously, it can't be August already! I remember growing up and thinking that summer was way too long (I was one of those weird kids who loved school). I also have never cared much for sweating and bugs which are staples of the summer season. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of great things about summer: sipping lemonade, traveling, time for reading, etc. But, I really am more of a Fall type of gal. I much rather be sporting a pair of knee high boots and a scarf around my neck than sandals and spaghetti straps.

There have been lots of change happening over the last few months, which is part of the reason that things have been so quite around the blog lately. One of the biggest changes being back in school again. I graduated last year from Pacific Northwest College of Art and now I am in the Masters of Art in Teaching (MAT) Program at Pacific University where I will be earning my teaching certificate and masters in education. So my summer has consisted of classes, classes, and more classes. It's overwhelming and at times I feel as though I don't have what it takes to be in charge of teaching and inspiring young artists. I get scared that I will graduate and no one will give me the opportunity to show my worth. I worry that I will never be able to pay back my massive amounts of college debt. My stomach gets queasy every time I think about having to continuously prove myself and reach the unreachable student. But I also know, that if I don't try to become an art teacher, I will always regret it. I just want to know that this choice is going to work out... that I am going to be successful at it... that it is going to make me happy... that it is what I am meant to do and who I am meant to be.

I get two weeks off of school starting this Saturday and my family and I are going to Sunriver. We have been going there every year since I was born. I've missed the last few years because I was either working or in school but this year's dates happened to work out. This is the first time Cory has been invited to come along so I am extra excited. He has never been to Sunriver so I am looking forward to showing him around. It will be 9 days of swimming, reading, painting, movie watching, photo taking, white water rafting, biking, hiking, and relaxation. I NEED a vacation. It can't come soon enough.

Another change in my life that started a few months is that I am now eating a Vegan diet. That means not eating animal products (meat, dairy, eggs, etc). My doctors agreed that it would be a great thing for me (I've also been told to try and avoid whole nuts, high fructose corn syrup, white sugar, sulfur, and as many preservatives as possible). Many people with Ulcerative Colitis, Chron's Disease, and IBD start eating Vegan. Overall, it wasn't a difficult transition: I've been vegetarian before and I had great support from Cory who decided to become Vegan right along with me. Some days all I want to do is eat a cheesy slice of pizza and lick a dripping ice cream cone but since going on a Vegan diet I have felt better. I haven't bled at all and I although I am tired from school, I know I have a lot more energy than I would on a non-vegan diet. If you are interested in becoming Vegan but have no idea where to start, here are some books and websites that I found extremely helpful and encouraging: Vegan Yum Yum, Have Cake Will Travel, The Kind Life (and it's companion book "The Kind Diet"), and "The 100 Best Vegan Baking Recipes."

On Saturday morning, I have an appointment with a nutritionist who specializes in Chron's, UC, and other Gastrointestinal Disorders. I'm still feeling a bit lost when it comes to knowing whether or not I'm getting all the vitamins and nutrients I need to keep my UC out of flare-up and to keep up with my busy schedule, so I am really excited to meet this nutritionist and see what she has to say.

I have also started a photography blog! It all began when my cousin's wife called me up and asked if she could hire me to take some photos of their new baby girl (lovely, little Lauren) and possibly some family photos. It has always been a secret dream of mine to be a professional photographer and now maybe this is the beginning of this dream coming true.

I was asked to be an honorary sister over at Shutter Sisters last month. Tracey (founder of Shutter Sisters) contacted me and asked if I would be a guest blogger. She thought I would be a perfect person to write about their word of the month for their One Word Project. The word was treasure (For those of you who don't know, I write yet another blog about Tiny Treasures). It was such an honor and I hope that I am invited back someday.

I was also involved in two photo shoots as a model. One for Twigs and Honey (sneak peek here) and one for Colette Patterns. I feel so blessed to be able to work with such kind, talented, and humble individuals. They inspire me ever day to be not only a better artist, but a better person. I am DYING to see how the images turn out!!

So, that wraps up my summer so far. Until next time, I hope everyone continues to have a lovely summer! I can't wait to get back from vacation and share all of my photographs with you!